I haven’t spent more than 24 hours without my beloved Internet for years. I think the last time I went an extended time without my mistress was in 2005 at the National Jamboree in Virginia, and I swear I almost went mad. Granted in 2005, Digg was an infant and I wasn’t even a member. So naturally, going to Bustins Island for the weekend – a place void of WiFi or FiOS or Comcast or even shitty DSL – made me a bit queesy. I wondered if perhaps I would go through some sort of painful detox which would leave me seizing on the floor in a pile of my own vomit and sweat.
However, once I was on the island, I found myself so entranced by the natural beauty and the unfamiliar and interesting sights and novelties that my mind rarely drifted to what was being dugg, or uploaded to Youtube, or blogged about, or posted to Facebook.
Until at 4:07 pm on July 3rd, only a couple hours after getting on the island, I got this text from Dave Harvey while sitting inside a quaint internet-less cabin: “Palin is resigning.”
When I read those words I was in a tortured place. Though I was elated by the news that one of the heavy-hitters of the Republican party was essentially committing career suicide and making herself the first governor to ever resign office without giving a reason and more or less proving the world that she is a brainless, yet hot, buffoon, I was missing the biggest Internet party since Pedobear threw his Michael Jackson Memorial Dress-Up-As-A-Ten-Year-Old Mixer (Too soon?).
I personally don't believe Michael Jackson molested those kids. A certain bear is skeptical.
The digg submissions I couldn’t digg, the videos I couldn’t watch, the blog-posts I couldn’t read. Such big news about a woman the Internet so gleefully loves to hate would surely bring a firestorm of awesome over the webs of the inter, and I would miss it.
However, I kept my woes inside, and God rewarded me. Mrs. Hendry, the Twinses mother, has a Kindle Two, a ray of light on an internet-less island. However I assumed that there was no way the Whisper-net would reach Bustins, but I was shocked and delighted to hear that it in fact does (solidifying the Kindle’s place in the Hall de Badass). Granted the browser can’t render HTML making it nearly useless, I was still able to read a couple articles on the resignation. Thank god.
After this, however, my mind went back to appreciating and marvelling at my tranquil, quaint surroundings.
MOOOAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!111
I hope Palin runs out of money and starts doing porn. Pleaaaasssseeeeee.
2 Comments
July 6, 2009 at 11:10 am
I feel as if that certain bear isn’t the most pedophilic character in your post. There is no way that man hasn’t touched that child.
July 6, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Pedobear and his pals aside, I wish Sarah Palin would touch me.
Also, I bought a sweet pedobear tee last night.